We know there is a cost to following God. Before we embarked on this journey we counted it: loss of salaried jobs, moving from our home, distance from family. We did a pretty thorough inventory of losses and agreed to them. However, anyone that has given up their comfortable life to follow God will agree to one thing...sometimes a loss, one you never considered, will jump out and kick you from behind.
I seem to be experiencing these losses quite frequently nowadays. The first one that comes to mind was finding out Annika had a lip and tongue tie. In our former life, we could have immediately gone to the doctor and had them fixed. Perhaps we would have been able to then work through our breastfeeding issues and been more successful. Perhaps I could have still been nursing her now. But, we had to wait for her insurance to go through. And then the ENT wouldn't do her lip tie and a qualified dentist that would, doesn't take her insurance. While I am extremely grateful for her insurance, this is a cost of state-funded insurance that I never counted.
The other such event happened today. The fact that I want to burst into tears over it has me completely blind-sided. It's so vain and trivial, but upsetting all the same.
I took Noah to the optometrist to have his eyes checked again. He has a lazy eye that we have to keep tabs on. While his vision is great with his glasses, the doctor confirmed that he does need to be wearing his glasses all of the time. (Something that Noah is not too keen on). His prescription didn't change much, but it did need modified.
Where is the concern in this? Well, again, his state insurance will only cover some very basic frames. We had spent a lot of time fretting over frames last year to find a pair that he was satisfied with and willing to wear. They were pricey, but with our insurance and steady income we were able to get them. Well, when we asked about keeping these frames and just replacing the lenses, they said his insurance wouldn't cover that but we could pay for it out of pocket. At $85 a lens, that just isn't possible. The part that really broke my heart was the fact that Noah didn't even complain even though I could see the disappointment on his face. It's just glasses, but having my son settle for less then what he wants is hard to bear. I hate that we can only give him a chinsy pair of glasses. Again, I'm grateful for our insurance and that we have access to great optical care. We saw first hand in Africa how amazing this accessibility is. An African would travel miles and weep with happiness over these chinsy frames that I find so heartbreaking. Yet, here I am. Saddened by our loss.
I know we have more unexpected losses ahead of us. I am not looking forward to facing them. However, even though I can't ever count the full cost of our obedience, I know it is all worth it. I wouldn't trade in all this for that old comfy life again.
So, I will grieve these losses when they come. And then I will count all the marvelous blessings we have and be grateful that God is changing us for the better.
Still a Work in Progress, Anne
So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple.
Luke 14:33 ESV
***Update: Two of God's servants felt called to purchase Noah his new lenses. It is so hard to accept gifts like this, but we are so thankful that God prompts His people to be so generous. This was not my intention with this post, but I have one very happy teenager right now! Praise God!
