Wounded Missionary

***Disclaimer: The views expressed in this blog are solely Anne's and not MTM's. These are simply her observations and thoughts of this past week.

Oh man...what an amazing week. We attended the World Missions Seminar last Spring and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Ben planned on enrolling in MTM to get his Associates in Missions, but we thought he was going to have to do it online because the commute from Pennsylvania wasn't feasible. So, what a blessing to find ourselves just miles away!!! Because of this, and the generous help from many friends, we both were able to attend Module 1 this week. If you are unfamiliar with MTM, it is an essential ministry that exists solely to equip, train, and serve missionaries and sending churches. I am not sure how missionaries go on the field without this training. I have gained so much from them. The education we are receiving is far beyond what you could ever learn from a textbook or manual. I would highly recommend MTM for anyone considering mission work, any missionary on the field, and any sending church. In fact, I think all churches and all Christians should attend! Do I think everyone should be a missionary? No. But I hope after reading this you will see how beneficial attending this could be.

This week MTM addressed Evangelism (something I am not entirely comfortable with, but am way better equipped now!), Spiritual Life, and The Call. It is pretty easy to see how the first two topics would be beneficial to anyone, but I believe even the latter topic is helpful.

Evangelism
God commands all Christians to go and make disciples of all men. That doesn't mean everyone should be a missionary, but it does mean that everyone is responsible to share Jesus with others. It became clear to me through this training, that we do not equip ourselves to do this effectively. Churches are dying because the people in the pews do not know how to reach the people around them. With some training and encouragement, I think we can change that. We even got to hear from a missionary that worked with engaging and discipling Muslims. He gave us so much valuable information on their culture and beliefs. More importantly, he shared his heart, struggles and joy.

Spiritual Life
Here is an area that I have struggled with for years. I'm not sure how, but I have managed to live my life thus far following Jesus, listening to His call, and doing my best to give everything I am for Him; yet, barely spending any quality alone time with Him outside of church and small groups. I have continually asked for forgiveness for this, but the bold men that shared with us this week really brought light to how dangerous this is. I am now committing to spend at least a half hour each day with him, and leading my children to spend daily quiet time with Him also. This is imperative to maintain and grow our relationship with Jesus and will be even more important once we are on the field. I want to challenge you to join me in this. I know our pastors have told us for years to read our Bibles daily, but it is so much more than that. MTM did a phenomenal job of giving us the hows, whens and whys. 

The Call
I thoroughly enjoyed hearing this topic. Ben and I were called last year, but have been struggling lately with the uncertainty of our where. We are praying about Kenya, but we have written God a blank check that He can cash anywhere in the World. (Don't be scared Mom!) We weren't sure if the uncertainty of our where diminished our call, but we got clear validation from Brother Lynn Raburn that it does not! Even more importantly we gained advice on how we can begin to get our call more refined. This was a session that I really wish more pastors would sit in on. We learned what it means to be a missionary, the role of the sending pastor and congregation on our call, and the necessity of the call. I wish churches had a better understanding of their role in the process, and could hear what the missionary needs to be "successful" in the field.

The thing that stands out to me in these trainings, beyond the highest quality of education we receive and the speakers that we hear from, is something I can hardly explain. It is the main reason I wish more people outside missionaries would attend...

The Heart

When you hear from a missionary from the pulpit, you get to hear about his work, his heart for the people he works with, and the challenges he faces. However, when you get him in this setting where he is preparing the missionaries who are coming alongside and behind him, you hear a different heart. I wish this was the heart that he could feel free to share among the churches. The raw, honest, brutality of his experience...The Wounded Missionary. In just about every case, intermingled with the excitement and bold encouragement and practical wisdom is pain. Pain that has been endured for the cause of Christ. Pain that can only be remembered with tears. Pain that can be felt for years after it was first suffered. The kind of pain where you can barely even look at him without feeling a portion of it yourself too. However, even after exposing the hurt, disappointment, fear and struggle each and every man would tell you it was absolutely worth it and he would do it again.

I wish everyone could witness this. It is such a beautiful thing. It gives you a glimpse into the unfairness of expectations and demands that we hold them to. It instantly humbles you and teaches you that mission work is way more then just about the numbers. It sheds light on the fact that the standards we hold them to and the judgements we make have no place in bringing lost people to Jesus. We think we know how it is and how it should be, but we really have no clue. 

I have to say that bearing witness to all of this is not easy. That's probably why we don't hear about this from the pulpit. I'm not sure our congregations could handle it. It's much easier to imagine a missionary serving in an exotic location with his family surrounding him in smiles, baptizing new converts in the nearest water supply. Those moments do happen. It isn't all doom and gloom and misery. But for every soul saved, every family changed, a mighty battle had been fought to get there. Please pray for our missionaries. Please don't expect them to change a country in five years or have made progress every single month. Please take every opportunity you can to educate yourself on their behalf. MTM is open to everybody. You won't be sorry for they will bless you richly. If you want to find out more, please visit: http://www.missionarytrainingministry.com/

To close out this post, I just want to brag on God for a bit. He is so good to us. It's challenging to see your future in front of you and know that it won't be all roses and sunshine. I am so grateful to be given a realistic picture and brilliant advice on how to cope. This is one of the reasons I love MTM: they don't sugar coat it, they equip you. They don't just deal with the practicalities of your work, but they deal with your heart. They know that a missionary is more than his vocation. My God is so great that He knew this week would tear at our hearts as we watched grown, strong, men weep. So He sent along some encouragement for us. Phone calls from dear friends checking in on us. Cards and gifts from family members letting us know they are praying. A love offering from a church. Friends that made it possible for me to be away from the kids for several hours each day. Every one of these acts of kindness, was a huge gift basket of encouragement from God! Thank you Jesus for once again showing us you care.

Even Better Equipped, Anne

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil." -Ephesians 5:15

Perspective

Yesterday, God gave me a really good lesson in perspective. We have undergone a lot of changes over the past couple of months, and I have noticed my perspective changing slowly, but yesterday was one of those hit you over the head kinds of changes. And God orchestrated it all through our car.

We sold Ben's car for a small amount of money prior to moving down here. We were grateful for the sale because it covered a good portion of our condo expense while we attended the Lead Summit Family Retreat last weekend in Alabama. That weekend was so refreshing and wonderful. We learned so much from others in the ministry and it was a great time for us to reconnect as a family.   Had we not sold our other car, I'm not sure we could have attended. 

However, on the way home I believe we got some wrong gas for our car. Ever since, the vehicle drives fine, but it will take an extra turn or two of the key to start. After searching the internet, we felt pretty confident that as that gas gets diluted with the right gas, that the issue should go away. However, yesterday really had me questioning that logic.

I ran to Target to pick up Annabelle's prescription for her ear infection. (Thank you Jesus that our doctor back home was able to just call in one for us). I returned to the car and began the ritual of turning the key a couple of times to get it to start....only it wouldn't start. I tried not to panic. I sat for a bit and tried again....and again...The outside temperature was 90 degrees, so I put the windows down so I wouldn't suffocate while I waited....and waited. After a few more rounds of tries, and a glance at the clock which told me Ben was supposed to leave for work in this car in less than an hour, I decided to call Ben to see if he had any pointers.

Unfortunately, there wasn't anything more I could do. He told me he would find someone to come get me or call for a tow to come. While I sat fluctuating between waiting and trying some more to get it started, a gazillion thoughts began to run through my head. "If we have to tow this, then that will be really expensive, and Ben will have to miss work which means missed income, and he might not be able to get to school tomorrow and may have to miss more work and more income...." I began chasing this rabbit in a very depressing direction when it occurred to me I needed to stop worrying and start praying! 

It was during this time of trying to refocus my thoughts, that God reminded me of perspective. Just months ago, if this would have happened, I would have been annoyed and possibly frustrated, but we would have had another vehicle to depend on. I could have dropped Ben off at work and picked him up on the days I needed a car. He could have possibly even gotten a ride from a friend. We would have several friends that we could call that would gladly take a look at the car and help us fix it. The cost would probably be minimal, and if not, we had very steady paychecks coming in to cover it. But now....

Now the loss of a vehicle means a loss of wages. It means the inability to get to school. It has such a greater impact on our lives. It made me consider all of the people in our country that don't have access to a reliable vehicle. This limits their ability to work and the opportunities that the world provides to better themselves and their family. And then I began to think of my dear friends who are missionaries in Honduras. They have been trying to raise money to purchase a vehicle for at least six months now. While I know they wouldn't wish car issues on anyone, I'm sure they would be grateful to just have a car to call their own, issues and all. As it stands now, they have to borrow vehicles or take a crowded bus to go grocery shopping an hour away. 

All of this thinking makes me sad. Sad that I didn't appreciate our two car home more. Sad that I didn't use that blessing to help others. Sad that when my friend in a one car home had car issues I didn't do more for them or pray harder for them. It honestly never occurred to me how devastating that loss can be...

I try to start the car a couple more times...and it starts running! Thank you Jesus for giving me that time to pause and be grateful for what we have. Thank you for getting our car running in time for Ben to get to work. Thank you for a new perspective! We're continuing to pray that this issue will blow over or be easily fixed. In the meantime, I hope I continue to reevaluate my perspective so that I may gain more compassion and empathy for the world.

Contemplatively Yours, Anne

P.S. If you feel called to help in some way, here is a great opportunity to help a family!   https://www.youcaring.com/joe-cortney-caroliona-and-alistair-cash-370851#.VX5cQ5oCIdk.facebook



*******************************Update*****************************************
Shortly after I posted this, I got word that the Cash Family was able to purchase a vehicle!!!! Praise God!!! 

But Still....

I just finished our 19th day of homeschooling. Things have been going much better than expected, but still...

It's so tempting for me to write about all of the wonderful we are experiencing in Benton. The fulfillment of following God's Will. Starting a Life Group in our home. Getting to spend more time with our kids. Living a simpler life. There really is so much good, I could go on and on. However, I feel like I need to be fair to all of you and share the bad as well. 

It has occurred to me that if I only share the good, I could be guilty of spreading false doctrine. Unintentionally I could be subliminally telling someone that if you follow God's Will then life will be easier. Unfortunately, that just isn't the case. If only!

So, I want to be real. I'm not sharing this to say "Woe is me." or "Look how I am suffering." On the contrary. I share this so that you will know:  Whether you follow God's Will or not, life is going to be hard. However, when you are in His Will, you get the benefit of peace.

Now that Ben is in school full-time and working part-time, I no longer have the luxury of his undivided attention. His work load is very strenuous, so even when he is home with us he is either studying or trying to rest for a moment. Sometimes, when I am talking to him (trying to get some adult conversation in before I lose him to pizza deliveries), I can see him running through the Greek alphabet or recounting his homework list in his mind. He doesn't mean to be distracted, but school is very important to him. He wants to do his best because he knows it will make him a better servant. I'm aware of this and am very proud of him, but somehow I hadn't counted this as a cost when we made our decision. 

I go through my day fluctuating emotions like a schizophrenic. I will literally one moment be yelling at my children in frustration over goofing off when they need to be doing schoolwork (something I am repenting daily of), and then the next minute feeling overwhelmed with gratitude that I get to home school them. One moment I am so grateful for our home and that we have food to eat, and the next moment I am wondering how God is going to be able to provide for the next week. I fluctuate between desperately wanting some undivided alone time with my husband and wishing he could be working more hours. And that is why I sit here crying as I write this. I am a HOT MESS!

But the thing is....God knows. He knows all of this and He is here. Last night at church, us younger adults got together and we looked at a passage in Jeremiah. I want to encourage you to look at it too. Jeremiah 15: 10-21

Sound familiar? It should. Because it sounds a whole lot like what I just wrote. I'm doing your Will God. But... whine, whine, whine.

Our new friend, John Bagby, did a great job of highlighting what God's response to this is. He doesn't give Jeremiah a pep talk. He doesn't say, "You're doing great! Just hang in there!" And, he doesn't tell him to move on. What does He tell him then? "If you return to me, I will restore you so you can continue to serve me." In other words, stop focusing on yourself, turn to God, and repent. And so, that my friends is what I must do. 

Therefore, if you see a bunch of posts that seem all sunshine and butterflies, I want you to know that there are a million instances of hurt, loneliness, doubt, sin, frustration and confusion that are intertwined as well. You probably won't hear about that as much because I am doing my best to glorify and honor God. But don't ever say I misled you into believing that life would be easy with God. It won't. In fact, at the end of that passage it says: "Yes, I will certainly keep you safe from these wicked men. I will rescue you from their cruel hands." 

God hasn't promised us a cushioned life. The cruelty of life will be able to get a hold of us. But God will be right there to rescue us from it. Life will not be easy with God, but it will be more amazing. You will be able to find peace among the chaos. You will have gratitude intermingling with the despair, and love among the tears. Please take a moment with me and repent. Ask God to forgive you for your selfish thoughts. And then, let us thank Him for giving us so much more than we could ever deserve!

Learning and Growing, Anne

Prayers Please!

Hello everyone! Well, we have two weeks of half days of homeschooling under our belt. The road wasn't always easy, and was actually quite frustrating at times, but we survived. It is taking everyone a bit of time to adjust to our new roles, but I believe we will all settle in just fine.

As the majority of Arkansas heads back to school tomorrow, we will be beginning our first week of whole days of school. The kids are a bit worried about this, but I'm hoping they will be pleasantly surprised at how much shorter the day is than public school. I have discovered that Noah can take a frustratingly long time to complete a math lesson. Not because he doesn't understand it, but because he doesn't want to do it. So, tomorrow we will start allotting 45 minutes for math. Whatever he doesn't finish in that time becomes homework. That way he can see how quickly he could be done with his day if he applies himself. Praying it works!!!

Our other big news since our last post is that Ben has a job! 

He was recently hired at Papa John's as a pizza delivery guy. This job fits in perfectly with his schedule, is low-stress, and makes really good money. The only downside is that right now he isn't getting enough hours to make ends meet. Please pray that his hours will increase. We are moving more quickly through our immediate savings then we would like, and are trying to not dip into our emergency savings unless necessary. Fortunately with school starting, we will have access to the free pantry at the seminary. Local churches donate to keep it stocked, so I am sure we will take advantage of it often!

It is quite surreal to be in this position at this point in our lives. It has been an adjustment going from living comfortably with a modest salary to working hourly and praying for more hours. We know that God will continue to provide as long as we keep working hard for him. If God should be prompting you to assist us financially, Life Point has a fund set up for us and all money can be sent to them. (More info on the How You Can Help tab). Please do not feel obligated though! Your prayers are a huge help! I hate to even bring it up, but I also do not want to rob someone from their blessing by being too proud. 

Ben has his opening luncheon at the Seminary this Thursday. He is so anxious to start school! His favorite time in his life was when he became committed to his college degree. He loves learning and is super excited that his education will have so much meaning to him! Please be praying for all of the students, faculty and all of the churches that support the seminary. Without their generosity, this degree may not have even been possible for Ben.

We are settling nicely into our new home and life in Arkansas. We have some wonderful friends already through church, our neighbor and Ben's job. The kids have even found their very favorite place to go....

the skate park! Fortunately, it isn't far from our house, so we like to take them there to burn some energy and have fun. We are looking forward to the day when we can have some visitors. If you would like to come and see us, just let me know when! Also, don't forget to subscribe to our blog so you can be notified anytime we update! 

Gratefully Following Him, Anne

"Do not worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank Him for all He has done." Philippians 4:6-7 

Let the Homeschool Adventure Begin!!!!!

Well, we did it!!! We actually started school! After finally getting to open up our curriculum, I didn't want to wait any more days to see what we have gotten ourselves into. Because I know my kids have been out of school mode for too long, and I know we still want to enjoy a little more of summer, I decided to begin our experience with half days. 

We began this past Tuesday. I decided to take this week and next week to complete all of the lessons for the first week of school. Then when Ben begins Seminary the week of the 17th, we will be ready to jump in full-time as well. 

We had a bit of a rough start. It wasn't too terrible, but I could quickly tell it was going to take some getting used to doing school at home. The distractions of sitting at the kitchen table (how does a Kroger ad distract a 12 yr old boy, I will never know)...Learning not to whine when a lesson takes you longer than 10 minutes to complete (You do remember sitting in school for 7 hours a day, right?)....Trying to remember to answer mom seriously when she asks you how flattening Australia changes its shape (I wasn't expecting a simple map question to stump them. It gets BIGGER!!!!!) 

But with these aggravations came a lot of fun and bonding. We got to explore the flattening of Australia by cutting a mandarin orange "globe" to see what would happen. (This also resulted in hand squeezing the insides to make "orange juice". This was rather messy and probably overshadowed the map concept, but they enjoyed it.) 

We got to experience our lessons continuing throughout the day when Annabelle's spelling word "grasp" made an appearance in our conversation but under a different context and meaning. (Great teachable moment!) I am absolutely loving that their curriculum presents the material from a Christian view. Exploring habitats and learning about the first habitat in the Garden of Eden... examining cultures and discovering how we can be praying for them... hearing how science concepts support what we read in the Bible....so many ways to tie our faith into our learning experience. 

One of our favorite moments from this week was when we took our first field trip!!! We got to explore downtown Little Rock and play at the Discovery Museum as a family. We had such a great time! I'm not sure who enjoyed it more, us or the kids!

Rianne hanging out with a cow

Noah and the pulleys

Annabelle braving a bed of nails

And then today, the girls and I got to visit the Christian Bookstore Mardel's. 

The ladies of Summit Baptist Church in Pine Bluff blessed us with a gift card there to finish our homeschool supplies shopping. It was so great to be able to buy the last of our curriculum and some other necessities without worry about the cost. (I had no idea how expensive homeschooling can be!) I am so grateful for this opportunity to homeschool. It was never anything I ever wanted to do. I am sure there are days when I am going to wish we were back in public school. However, I can already see how amazing this is going to be for my kids; and for me! I didn't realize how much I missed writing up lesson plans, checking math problems, and cracking open a new book. Nor did I realize the thrill of hearing my children say, "I never knew that!" 

Please continue to pray for us this school year. More challenging days are sure to come. We would love to have you follow our blog by signing up to the right, or leaving us a comment to know you are there. We so appreciate all of the prayers and support! God Bless!

Teaching and Learning, Anne

"Apply your heart to instruction and your ears to words of knowledge." Proverbs 23:12

Phew! What a Doozy!

Wow! What a month! So sorry we haven't updated sooner but time has flown by and been jammed pack! Among the hours spent packing up our home and donating more stuff than one family should possibly own, we also spent a lot of time visiting friends, family and favorite places. We never did manage to check off each place on our list, but we made a pretty good dent! 

The last couple of weeks in PA were both really amazing, but also extremely challenging. We quickly realized that preparing to move is quite similar to dying. Friends and family made special effort to share their affections with us. It was quite a privilege to be given the opportunity to hear how much you are loved (quite similar to being alive for an eulogy), but also very difficult. We were humbled on a daily basis with the out pouring of love, and it became quite clear how much we were giving up. It is an amazing blessing to have friends show up to help you pack or clean without you even asking for help. They always seemed to show up too, when I would have been tempted to stay in bed and pretend my world wasn't being flipped upside down.

But our favorite part of leaving, was all of the PARTIES!!!!!

My Farewell Zumba Class! Complete with Tutus!!!

The Life Point Send Off Party

WPP's Goodbye Ben Luncheon

Troop 51930 Says Goodbye

Our Open House

And then after all of the parties, it was time to go. A crew from Arkansas Mission Builders came up Monday evening and dropped off a trailer for us to load up. Friends came in waves to help us and by midnight everything was packed up and ready to go. We spent the night in our empty home, and awoke to have a team of friends see us off. We took our time traveling to Arkansas. We stopped and spent a couple of hours with Ben's grandma and cousin, then several hours with my family in Ohio, and then arrived in Indiana late Tuesday night to spend a few days with my sister and brother-in-law. It was really good to have a few more days of denial. Days where I could just pretend I was on vacation and returning to PA after a few days....

Visiting with my brother and his family

But then we headed home. Only home is now Benton, AR instead of Washington, PA. I keep forcing myself to say that so it will become more real to me. We arrived late Friday night; our family now camping on the floor in our new home. The trailer arrived Saturday morning with a new team of helpers: men and a lady (Pam!) to help us unload all of our possessions into our abode. They may have been strangers when they first arrived, but I have a feeling they will not be strangers for long! The truck was unloaded in about 45 minutes which left us with a full day to begin the long, arduous task of unpacking. 

We decided to take a break at lunch to grab a few things from the store and to get lunch at Dan's I-30 Diner. (Yum!)

We finished out the day completely exhausted, but quite accomplished! We even received a surprise blessing in the mail from a very special couple from our days of youth ministry. We had run into them just days prior to moving and they felt led by God to bless us. It is astonishing to me to see the faith of God's people. It was quite the encouragement we needed and will greatly help us get Ben set up properly for school.

Sunday brought forth a day of worship with the great people of Oak Grove MBC. The outpouring of love from them all has been astonishing. Any possible need we could have, has been provided for by one member or another: appliances, furniture, food (lots of food!), housewares, etc. all given generously. Sunday night after church we had a time of fellowship and we were blessed with a pounding!!! This was a new concept for us, but the members each donated a "pound" of this and a "pound" of that to get our shelves stocked. I absolutely love this idea!!!!

Our house is mainly set up now. Ok, there are still several boxes untouched. However, I don't feel nearly as overwhelmed and can see the end in sight. The children love their new rooms. I love all of the storage!!! I have never had so many closets or cupboards! We cannot wait to have some visitors and look forward to sharing our home with others. We want to thank you all for your prayers and support. May God receive all of the glory!

Anticipating the Future, Anne

"Who am I, O Sovereign LORD, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far? -2 Samuel 7:18b

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It Has Started

Today has been very challenging for me. I fully expect that the next few months will not be easy, but I cannot confidently say that I am really prepared for it. Over the past few weeks I have been having a lot of fun living in a constant state of denial. I've created this magnificent world where everyone wants to go and do fun things and hang out with me and visit places one more time. In this world it is all laughs and enjoyment. I don't have to really consider what these outings are really about. I can just be in the moment and treasure the memories. I've gotten rid of several items from our home, packed a few boxes...but it feels more like Spring Cleaning. It is delightful! But then today happened....

It began innocently enough. I went into the girls' school to help sell our extra yearbooks. I knew our hands were full of gifts for teachers, the paintings I did for our secretary and principal...but still it felt like any other day. And then...

As we approached their school, I realized I should get their picture out front. Perhaps when they are older they will want to look back on their time at North. Will Rianne even remember the school that we all love so much?

 

 

I had to grab a box of yearbooks from the Parent Club room, so I decided to snap some pics of the girls with their teachers.

 

 

 

It then dawned on me how hard it is to say goodbye to this place. Rianne's Kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Borovich, had all three of my children. She saw each of them emerge from learning the alphabet to becoming readers. She put up with my talkers, trained them to sit properly and shaped them into stellar students. She is a remarkable teacher that we absolutely ADORE!!! And then there is Mr. Lang....Noah was in his first class at Trinity North, Annabelle in his third. He charmed them with his silliness, made science and social studies interesting, and gave them each a year that they will never forget. And now, Rianne will never get the opportunity to have him...

 

After leaving the school, I was in quite a funk. I was grateful for a morning at home without the children so I could cry out to God. I am grateful for the calling in my heart because if it wasn't for it, I would be running. My parents still live in the house I was born in. After Ben and I graduated college we got married and moved into our current home. Moving is not my thing. I have no idea what I am doing. I don't know where to start. I think I have to go to the post office to change addresses, but I'm not even sure what my next address is...

 

I tried to escape back into my world of bliss and contentment, but God wouldn't let me. He told me it is time to face reality. He told me to let the tears come. He told me there is no turning back. He also reminded me of a dear friend's blog who has been here before. Her words from an old post brought me such comfort.

 

"I believe that denying oneself and taking up a cross looks a little different for everyone...
The "cross"  that I am to take up...it is nothing compared to the cross He carried for me.  It's not about me or my comfort.  Period...Its about Matthew 28: 19-20. It's about the call that God has so clearly placed on our lives. It's about giving all we can because He gave His all for us...It's all about Obedience." -Dr. Cortney Cash

A few months ago she told me that when she is struggling with her emotions and her situation, then she has to remember that her act of obedience, is her worship.

The sin I struggle with most is self-centeredness. I have to constantly fight against putting my needs, my comfort first. I know God is using this time to help me grow in this area. I need to put my comfort aside. I need to worship God by being obedient. I need to realize everything I am giving up is nothing compared to what Christ gave up for me. We can't even fully understand the glory of Heaven and what it really meant to leave His place there to suffer and die for us. I believe that when I finally experience Heaven, His sacrifice will become all the more meaningful.

And so, I may still escape to my little world from time to time. But I'm going to start facing reality more. I'm going to let the tears come. But with each one that falls, I am going to praise God and thank Him for His graciousness. I am going to give my fear to Him daily, and trust in our calling.

Tomorrow is the last day of school. God, I offer it back to you.

A Humbled Mess- Anne

"If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me." -Matthew 16:24

More Good News!!!!

Sorry for two posts in one day, but we had been also waiting to hear officially about school, and the news just came in the mail today.....

It's official! Ben will be attending the Missionary Baptist Seminary to receive his Masters!!!

It is such a relief to have finality to decisions that had been prayed about. We now can begin to move forward and prepare for the next step. Thank you everyone who has been praying for us. We absolutely love the men that have come out of this school, and Ben is very excited to dive right in!

God has Provided!

We are very excited to announce that we have been blessed with a home while we are in Arkansas!!!! The generous members of Oak Grove MBC in Benton, Arkansas, under the direction of their pastor, Mr. Vance Nutt, are graciously allowing us to move into their parsonage! This is a HUGE blessing for our family. The seminary has free student housing, but it is set up more for new families with maybe a small child or two. While we would have lived under these cramped conditions so that we could follow God's calling, it is going to be so nice to not have to! Having a home will make our transition so much smoother, especially since we will be homeschooling. I still cannot believe we only have about two months left in Pennsylvania. Each day gets a little harder as we begin to say goodbye to places, people and things.

Just today I took Rianne to her followup appointment with her ENT, Dr. Dohar. I cannot believe it was really the last time we will go to him. This man was a God send to our family. When Rianne was 11 months old, only 13 pounds, and hadn't grown or gained an ounce since she was 4 months old, it was him that discovered she had very severe sleep apnea. She only had 5% of her nostrils functioning because her adenoids were so large. She was only getting 4 min of REM sleep a night and would stop breathing over 150 times during a night's "sleep". He expertly removed her tonsils and adenoids even though his tools were really too big for an 11 month old. He removed Annabelle's adenoids and tonsils a couple years later and put tubes in Rianne's ears. I am so grateful for his skill, but I am even more grateful that he was willing to pray with our pastor before surgery. It's pretty amazing too, because he knows a pediatric ENT in Little Rock and said he would gladly pass our care and any needed info onto him. 

It is relationships like this that take me off guard. I know I am going to miss my family, friends, students and coworkers. However, I am beginning to realize there are so many more people that make up our world that will be missed as well. Our children's bus driver....our dental hygienist....our family doctors....our schools...Mark Bedillion and his farm stand....

We have the night free tonight. I keep telling the kids we need to make a list of all of the places we want to visit one last time before we go. Unfortunately, I think the time has come to start doing just that...

Sentimentally Yours- Anne

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." -Winnie the Pooh

Decisions Have Been Made!!!

Well, if you haven't heard....the Fishers are headed to Arkansas!!!!! After a lot of prayer, seeking wise council and more prayer, we have decided that to be used by God most effectively, we need to be more educated. Ben is already enrolled in the Missionary Training Ministry program online where he will receive an Associate of Missions Degree. He has also applied to the Missionary Baptist Seminary in Little Rock, Arkansas, to earn his Masters of Theology. He is hoping to spend two years on campus working on this and then doing the last year from the mission field. This is a huge transition for our family, so we appreciate any and all prayers!

Ben has notified his full-time job that he will be resigning in July. They have been so good to our family for the last 11 years. It is definitely bittersweet. Ben is very excited about being able to get a formal Christian education, but he really enjoyed working for WPP too. It's difficult to give that up, but we know we are following God's Will for our lives, so it makes it somewhat easier. I am not looking forward to leaving all of my Zumba, Barre and Aqua students. They are all so special to me and really give my weeks purpose. We aren't sure yet how we will earn our income in Arkansas. Please be praying that God opens up part-time positions for us that will still allow for flexibility, but also provide financially.

Another area of transition for us, is that I will be homeschooling our children for the first time. Our children currently attend public schools that we absolutely love. The teachers and staff are extraordinary and our children have received a great education. I always said that if God wants me to homeschool, He'd have to be very clear about it! Well, it has become clear that it is time. Because Noah is getting older and we want to prepare him to hopefully join us on the mission field someday, we feel it is best to begin the process now. In the future homeschooling may be our only option, so I prefer to learn the ropes while we are still on US soil! I have begun researching curriculum and am actually getting excited about it. Please pray for us all as we begin this new journey. Right now I am used to having time during the day (by myself) to get things done. I'm praying that even though we will have many hours a day together, we will each find a way to carve out time for ourselves. 

While I am excited for this new adventure, I am anxious about the actual move. Ben and I have lived in our little house in Western PA since we got married almost 14 years ago. This is the only home our children have ever known. The thought of leaving it behind is quite sad. Please pray for each of our hearts as we go through this loss. We know it is just a house, but I know it will feel like so much more. Fortunately, dear friends of ours will be renting it from us. We know they will treat it as their own, and we can come for visits! 

Please say some specific prayers about our move. Our plan is to help with our church's Sports Camp the second week in July, host a family reunion that Saturday, and then make our move the following week at some point. We are beginning to downsize drastically (The Washington City Mission is being over-run with our donations!). This is a really difficult process, but very necessary. We are hoping we can move with a U-haul, so please be praying that it will be possible.

The last area of adjustment, and the very most difficult, is the leaving of family and friends. God has surrounded us with an incredible support system. We have friends that are as close as family. Friends where the husbands are Ben's good friends, the wives are mine and our children are friends. These relationships are such blessings that I do not take for granted. I know they will still be our good friends, but it is going to be very challenging to be away from them. Please pray that God will prepare some families for us in Arkansas that will provide the same enjoyment. Fortunately , we know some already and look forward to getting to know them better! Please be praying for our extended family members; specifically Ben's Gram and my parents. It will be a huge adjustment not having us so close. We are grateful we will still be within a couple days drive, but it will be much harder to get home. 

Our family and friend concerns are absolutely magnified because we will have to leave our church family. It will be a huge challenge being away from them each week. I'm praying God has a special church picked out for us in Arkansas. At this point, it is very hard for me to even consider attending another church on a regular basis. Life Point has been a huge blessing for our family, and I am really dreading leaving. It has been very surreal as we try and prepare to move. Knowing the Wednesdays we get to spend with our Life Group are numbered; knowing I just have two more months to volunteer as Room Leader with LPK; thinking about who will take over our various roles at LP....We are so grateful for the magnitude of blessings we have, but it will make our move so much more difficult...so much loss.

I don't want to leave this blog here. While we will spend months saying goodbye and mourning the losses, we will do so with great joy too. There is no better place to be then in the center of God's Will. While the transitions will not be easy and heartache is inevitable, there is great hope and expectation for our future! I cannot wait to see what God does with our family. I cannot wait to see the experiences he has prepared for us. I cannot wait to serve him in a new capacity! We love and appreciate you all. Thank you so much for joining us in this journey!

Trusting and Believing- Anne

"Now may the God of peace-who brought up from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great Shepard of the sheep, and ratified an eternal covenant with his blood-may he equip you with all you need for doing his will." -Hebrews 13: 20-21a

World Missions Seminar

Ben and I had the privilege of attending the World Missions Seminar at Faith Baptist Church of North Little Rock. The seminar is organized by Lynn and Brenda Raburn (pictured above). This is an extraordinary couple that has a heart for missionaries. Having been full-time missionaries out on the field, it became their calling to educate, support, encourage and equip missionaries so that they can be successful on the field. I knew that the seminar would be full of useful information, but I was not prepared for how well it would deal with every aspect of being a missionary. Not only did they teach us about the ins and outs of deputation, finances, planting churches, cooking on the foreign field and more; but, along with their team of highly skilled teachers (including James and Kenya Taylor!!!!), they also taught us about the emotional side of transition, culture shock, leaving your family behind, Inter-personal relationships and conflict resolution. All of these subjects were delivered with the harsh realities, yet with compassion, concern and love. They really prepare the WHOLE missionary to enter the field.

Brenda instructing the ladies about carving out time for God and how to disciple women on the field.

Kenya sharing her heart with us about the marital relationship on the field.

Adapting to the Culture with Lynn

Pre-field Deputation with James

I adore this woman!!!!

The education was phenomenal, the food was delicious and the company was priceless. It was so nice to mingle with others in the same position, others who are in the trenches, and some who have been there done that. I have an even richer support system now that is worth its weight in gold! 

We also thoroughly enjoyed our stay with the O'Kelleys. Prior to this week, we had no idea who they are. However, they have a heart for missionaries so they opened up their home for us to stay in (for free!) for the week. We enjoyed getting to know Clint and Andrea and their adorable girls. It is so nice to know we have some awesome friends in Little Rock now! 

We are so grateful for all of the people that helped to make this trip possible. We thank God for calling the Raburns to serve missionaries. We are blessed to have the Taylors guiding and encouraging us. There are so many more details from the week, but I cannot possibly share them all. If you have an interest in mission work or are already a missionary, I cannot recommend this seminar enough. You can also get additional online training through the Missionary Training Missionary at www.missionarytrainingministry.com We will be returning to the seminar next year, and hope you will be able to join us! Stay tuned to see what else God has in store for the Fishers...

Equipped and Ready- Anne

"Do not fear the Holy Spirit's movement, embrace it." -Terry Parrish

Important Lesson

This past Sunday we had the privilege of sharing our experience with our church. It was hard to condense our trip into 15 minutes, but we love every opportunity we get to talk about it! While preparing what we wanted to share, there was one particular lesson that God has taught me through this, that I felt was very important to share with everyone. In case you were unable to join us, I want to take a moment to share it with you here.

God calls ordinary people to do extraordinary things.

Dr. Cortney Cash

 Renee Johnson

Wendi Rogers

For years I was under the impression that God only uses those people that possess a superhuman amount of faith to do His really big jobs. I looked at my Pastor's wife Renee and wondered how she could have had enough faith to move her young family miles away to start a church in a town they have never heard of. I looked at my good friend, Cortney, who was in school to become a doctor and had plans to move to Honduras with her family to be missionaries. I was astounded that anyone would have enough faith to leave a prestigious lifestyle in the States to become a mission doctor. Another friend, Wendi, has just adopted two more Asian children. That makes her the mother of 4 biological children and 5 adopted children. I looked at her and wondered how she could possess such faith as to take all of that on! When I was in MOPS, I heard a woman share about how her husband had been having affairs for years, came home one day and told her didn't love her anymore and wasn't sure he ever had. Yet, they worked through it, reconciled and are happier than they have ever been. I couldn't fathom living through that heartache and having the faith that the situation could improve.

While all of these women are amazing, the thing I didn't realize was that they are all like me, all like you. They do not have an unattainable storehouse of faith. They have the faith they have in those particular situations, because God called them to it. When God calls you to do something in His name, He places a desire in your heart to follow Him that is so strong, you cannot help but follow Him. It doesn't require as much faith as you would expect, because God supplies what you need. However, it does require 2 things:

1) It requires a relationship with Him. You will never hear what He has planned for you, if you are not spending time with Him. If you are not growing in your knowledge of Him. If you are not sharing your heart with Him. If you are not listening for Him.

2) It requires for you to be willing. I'm sure there are many people that God has called to do great things. He was ready to equip them with all they would need to accomplish it. However, they were not willing to take that first step. That first step can be scary. That's where your faith comes in. He wants to see if you have enough faith to take that first step and then He will take it from there. 

The great thing about God's will is that He never gives us the whole plan at once. He only calls us one step at a time. He knows that in our human frailty that we cannot handle the whole grand picture. We will talk ourselves out of it before we even begin. In our story, first He called our family to do a 5 day mission trip together. It required some faith to say yes, to commit to sending 4 people to Jamaica. But then He called me to go to Kenya for a two week mission trip. And then He called Ben to consider becoming a full-time missionary and take our whole family to Kenya. We are only given one step at a time. We are only certain of each next step, and to this day we still aren't sure where we are going to end up. But that's okay! We know Ben is going to further his missionary and theology training so we can be prepared for whatever the next step is.

With each of my friends who are living a life following God's will, they are each able to do so because that is what God has called them to. If you told Renee to pack up and move to Honduras, she would say: "No, I could never do that!" Why? Because God hasn't called her to. If you told Cortney to adopt 5 children from Asia, she would tell you: "No, I could never do that!" Why? Because God hasn't called her to. If you told Wendi to pack up her family and go across the country to plant a church, she would tell you, "No, I could never do that!" Why? Because God hasn't called her to. 

So, I want to caution you. Don't look at others and think they are living these extraordinary lives because God made them extra special. Look at yourself. Ask yourself: "Am I following God with my whole heart and listening for what He has for me? Am I willing to take the next step?" If you can answer yes to both of these questions, then watch out! You have a great story of faith coming. If you aren't quite at the place where you can answer yes, well then it is time to deepen your relationship with Christ. Your story of faithfulness has time to be written too.

Willing and Ready- Anne

"For I can do everything, through Christ who gives me strength." -Philippians 4:13