But Still....

I just finished our 19th day of homeschooling. Things have been going much better than expected, but still...

It's so tempting for me to write about all of the wonderful we are experiencing in Benton. The fulfillment of following God's Will. Starting a Life Group in our home. Getting to spend more time with our kids. Living a simpler life. There really is so much good, I could go on and on. However, I feel like I need to be fair to all of you and share the bad as well. 

It has occurred to me that if I only share the good, I could be guilty of spreading false doctrine. Unintentionally I could be subliminally telling someone that if you follow God's Will then life will be easier. Unfortunately, that just isn't the case. If only!

So, I want to be real. I'm not sharing this to say "Woe is me." or "Look how I am suffering." On the contrary. I share this so that you will know:  Whether you follow God's Will or not, life is going to be hard. However, when you are in His Will, you get the benefit of peace.

Now that Ben is in school full-time and working part-time, I no longer have the luxury of his undivided attention. His work load is very strenuous, so even when he is home with us he is either studying or trying to rest for a moment. Sometimes, when I am talking to him (trying to get some adult conversation in before I lose him to pizza deliveries), I can see him running through the Greek alphabet or recounting his homework list in his mind. He doesn't mean to be distracted, but school is very important to him. He wants to do his best because he knows it will make him a better servant. I'm aware of this and am very proud of him, but somehow I hadn't counted this as a cost when we made our decision. 

I go through my day fluctuating emotions like a schizophrenic. I will literally one moment be yelling at my children in frustration over goofing off when they need to be doing schoolwork (something I am repenting daily of), and then the next minute feeling overwhelmed with gratitude that I get to home school them. One moment I am so grateful for our home and that we have food to eat, and the next moment I am wondering how God is going to be able to provide for the next week. I fluctuate between desperately wanting some undivided alone time with my husband and wishing he could be working more hours. And that is why I sit here crying as I write this. I am a HOT MESS!

But the thing is....God knows. He knows all of this and He is here. Last night at church, us younger adults got together and we looked at a passage in Jeremiah. I want to encourage you to look at it too. Jeremiah 15: 10-21

Sound familiar? It should. Because it sounds a whole lot like what I just wrote. I'm doing your Will God. But... whine, whine, whine.

Our new friend, John Bagby, did a great job of highlighting what God's response to this is. He doesn't give Jeremiah a pep talk. He doesn't say, "You're doing great! Just hang in there!" And, he doesn't tell him to move on. What does He tell him then? "If you return to me, I will restore you so you can continue to serve me." In other words, stop focusing on yourself, turn to God, and repent. And so, that my friends is what I must do. 

Therefore, if you see a bunch of posts that seem all sunshine and butterflies, I want you to know that there are a million instances of hurt, loneliness, doubt, sin, frustration and confusion that are intertwined as well. You probably won't hear about that as much because I am doing my best to glorify and honor God. But don't ever say I misled you into believing that life would be easy with God. It won't. In fact, at the end of that passage it says: "Yes, I will certainly keep you safe from these wicked men. I will rescue you from their cruel hands." 

God hasn't promised us a cushioned life. The cruelty of life will be able to get a hold of us. But God will be right there to rescue us from it. Life will not be easy with God, but it will be more amazing. You will be able to find peace among the chaos. You will have gratitude intermingling with the despair, and love among the tears. Please take a moment with me and repent. Ask God to forgive you for your selfish thoughts. And then, let us thank Him for giving us so much more than we could ever deserve!

Learning and Growing, Anne

Prayers Please!

Hello everyone! Well, we have two weeks of half days of homeschooling under our belt. The road wasn't always easy, and was actually quite frustrating at times, but we survived. It is taking everyone a bit of time to adjust to our new roles, but I believe we will all settle in just fine.

As the majority of Arkansas heads back to school tomorrow, we will be beginning our first week of whole days of school. The kids are a bit worried about this, but I'm hoping they will be pleasantly surprised at how much shorter the day is than public school. I have discovered that Noah can take a frustratingly long time to complete a math lesson. Not because he doesn't understand it, but because he doesn't want to do it. So, tomorrow we will start allotting 45 minutes for math. Whatever he doesn't finish in that time becomes homework. That way he can see how quickly he could be done with his day if he applies himself. Praying it works!!!

Our other big news since our last post is that Ben has a job! 

He was recently hired at Papa John's as a pizza delivery guy. This job fits in perfectly with his schedule, is low-stress, and makes really good money. The only downside is that right now he isn't getting enough hours to make ends meet. Please pray that his hours will increase. We are moving more quickly through our immediate savings then we would like, and are trying to not dip into our emergency savings unless necessary. Fortunately with school starting, we will have access to the free pantry at the seminary. Local churches donate to keep it stocked, so I am sure we will take advantage of it often!

It is quite surreal to be in this position at this point in our lives. It has been an adjustment going from living comfortably with a modest salary to working hourly and praying for more hours. We know that God will continue to provide as long as we keep working hard for him. If God should be prompting you to assist us financially, Life Point has a fund set up for us and all money can be sent to them. (More info on the How You Can Help tab). Please do not feel obligated though! Your prayers are a huge help! I hate to even bring it up, but I also do not want to rob someone from their blessing by being too proud. 

Ben has his opening luncheon at the Seminary this Thursday. He is so anxious to start school! His favorite time in his life was when he became committed to his college degree. He loves learning and is super excited that his education will have so much meaning to him! Please be praying for all of the students, faculty and all of the churches that support the seminary. Without their generosity, this degree may not have even been possible for Ben.

We are settling nicely into our new home and life in Arkansas. We have some wonderful friends already through church, our neighbor and Ben's job. The kids have even found their very favorite place to go....

the skate park! Fortunately, it isn't far from our house, so we like to take them there to burn some energy and have fun. We are looking forward to the day when we can have some visitors. If you would like to come and see us, just let me know when! Also, don't forget to subscribe to our blog so you can be notified anytime we update! 

Gratefully Following Him, Anne

"Do not worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank Him for all He has done." Philippians 4:6-7 

Let the Homeschool Adventure Begin!!!!!

Well, we did it!!! We actually started school! After finally getting to open up our curriculum, I didn't want to wait any more days to see what we have gotten ourselves into. Because I know my kids have been out of school mode for too long, and I know we still want to enjoy a little more of summer, I decided to begin our experience with half days. 

We began this past Tuesday. I decided to take this week and next week to complete all of the lessons for the first week of school. Then when Ben begins Seminary the week of the 17th, we will be ready to jump in full-time as well. 

We had a bit of a rough start. It wasn't too terrible, but I could quickly tell it was going to take some getting used to doing school at home. The distractions of sitting at the kitchen table (how does a Kroger ad distract a 12 yr old boy, I will never know)...Learning not to whine when a lesson takes you longer than 10 minutes to complete (You do remember sitting in school for 7 hours a day, right?)....Trying to remember to answer mom seriously when she asks you how flattening Australia changes its shape (I wasn't expecting a simple map question to stump them. It gets BIGGER!!!!!) 

But with these aggravations came a lot of fun and bonding. We got to explore the flattening of Australia by cutting a mandarin orange "globe" to see what would happen. (This also resulted in hand squeezing the insides to make "orange juice". This was rather messy and probably overshadowed the map concept, but they enjoyed it.) 

We got to experience our lessons continuing throughout the day when Annabelle's spelling word "grasp" made an appearance in our conversation but under a different context and meaning. (Great teachable moment!) I am absolutely loving that their curriculum presents the material from a Christian view. Exploring habitats and learning about the first habitat in the Garden of Eden... examining cultures and discovering how we can be praying for them... hearing how science concepts support what we read in the Bible....so many ways to tie our faith into our learning experience. 

One of our favorite moments from this week was when we took our first field trip!!! We got to explore downtown Little Rock and play at the Discovery Museum as a family. We had such a great time! I'm not sure who enjoyed it more, us or the kids!

Rianne hanging out with a cow

Noah and the pulleys

Annabelle braving a bed of nails

And then today, the girls and I got to visit the Christian Bookstore Mardel's. 

The ladies of Summit Baptist Church in Pine Bluff blessed us with a gift card there to finish our homeschool supplies shopping. It was so great to be able to buy the last of our curriculum and some other necessities without worry about the cost. (I had no idea how expensive homeschooling can be!) I am so grateful for this opportunity to homeschool. It was never anything I ever wanted to do. I am sure there are days when I am going to wish we were back in public school. However, I can already see how amazing this is going to be for my kids; and for me! I didn't realize how much I missed writing up lesson plans, checking math problems, and cracking open a new book. Nor did I realize the thrill of hearing my children say, "I never knew that!" 

Please continue to pray for us this school year. More challenging days are sure to come. We would love to have you follow our blog by signing up to the right, or leaving us a comment to know you are there. We so appreciate all of the prayers and support! God Bless!

Teaching and Learning, Anne

"Apply your heart to instruction and your ears to words of knowledge." Proverbs 23:12

Phew! What a Doozy!

Wow! What a month! So sorry we haven't updated sooner but time has flown by and been jammed pack! Among the hours spent packing up our home and donating more stuff than one family should possibly own, we also spent a lot of time visiting friends, family and favorite places. We never did manage to check off each place on our list, but we made a pretty good dent! 

The last couple of weeks in PA were both really amazing, but also extremely challenging. We quickly realized that preparing to move is quite similar to dying. Friends and family made special effort to share their affections with us. It was quite a privilege to be given the opportunity to hear how much you are loved (quite similar to being alive for an eulogy), but also very difficult. We were humbled on a daily basis with the out pouring of love, and it became quite clear how much we were giving up. It is an amazing blessing to have friends show up to help you pack or clean without you even asking for help. They always seemed to show up too, when I would have been tempted to stay in bed and pretend my world wasn't being flipped upside down.

But our favorite part of leaving, was all of the PARTIES!!!!!

My Farewell Zumba Class! Complete with Tutus!!!

The Life Point Send Off Party

WPP's Goodbye Ben Luncheon

Troop 51930 Says Goodbye

Our Open House

And then after all of the parties, it was time to go. A crew from Arkansas Mission Builders came up Monday evening and dropped off a trailer for us to load up. Friends came in waves to help us and by midnight everything was packed up and ready to go. We spent the night in our empty home, and awoke to have a team of friends see us off. We took our time traveling to Arkansas. We stopped and spent a couple of hours with Ben's grandma and cousin, then several hours with my family in Ohio, and then arrived in Indiana late Tuesday night to spend a few days with my sister and brother-in-law. It was really good to have a few more days of denial. Days where I could just pretend I was on vacation and returning to PA after a few days....

Visiting with my brother and his family

But then we headed home. Only home is now Benton, AR instead of Washington, PA. I keep forcing myself to say that so it will become more real to me. We arrived late Friday night; our family now camping on the floor in our new home. The trailer arrived Saturday morning with a new team of helpers: men and a lady (Pam!) to help us unload all of our possessions into our abode. They may have been strangers when they first arrived, but I have a feeling they will not be strangers for long! The truck was unloaded in about 45 minutes which left us with a full day to begin the long, arduous task of unpacking. 

We decided to take a break at lunch to grab a few things from the store and to get lunch at Dan's I-30 Diner. (Yum!)

We finished out the day completely exhausted, but quite accomplished! We even received a surprise blessing in the mail from a very special couple from our days of youth ministry. We had run into them just days prior to moving and they felt led by God to bless us. It is astonishing to me to see the faith of God's people. It was quite the encouragement we needed and will greatly help us get Ben set up properly for school.

Sunday brought forth a day of worship with the great people of Oak Grove MBC. The outpouring of love from them all has been astonishing. Any possible need we could have, has been provided for by one member or another: appliances, furniture, food (lots of food!), housewares, etc. all given generously. Sunday night after church we had a time of fellowship and we were blessed with a pounding!!! This was a new concept for us, but the members each donated a "pound" of this and a "pound" of that to get our shelves stocked. I absolutely love this idea!!!!

Our house is mainly set up now. Ok, there are still several boxes untouched. However, I don't feel nearly as overwhelmed and can see the end in sight. The children love their new rooms. I love all of the storage!!! I have never had so many closets or cupboards! We cannot wait to have some visitors and look forward to sharing our home with others. We want to thank you all for your prayers and support. May God receive all of the glory!

Anticipating the Future, Anne

"Who am I, O Sovereign LORD, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far? -2 Samuel 7:18b

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It Has Started

Today has been very challenging for me. I fully expect that the next few months will not be easy, but I cannot confidently say that I am really prepared for it. Over the past few weeks I have been having a lot of fun living in a constant state of denial. I've created this magnificent world where everyone wants to go and do fun things and hang out with me and visit places one more time. In this world it is all laughs and enjoyment. I don't have to really consider what these outings are really about. I can just be in the moment and treasure the memories. I've gotten rid of several items from our home, packed a few boxes...but it feels more like Spring Cleaning. It is delightful! But then today happened....

It began innocently enough. I went into the girls' school to help sell our extra yearbooks. I knew our hands were full of gifts for teachers, the paintings I did for our secretary and principal...but still it felt like any other day. And then...

As we approached their school, I realized I should get their picture out front. Perhaps when they are older they will want to look back on their time at North. Will Rianne even remember the school that we all love so much?

 

 

I had to grab a box of yearbooks from the Parent Club room, so I decided to snap some pics of the girls with their teachers.

 

 

 

It then dawned on me how hard it is to say goodbye to this place. Rianne's Kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Borovich, had all three of my children. She saw each of them emerge from learning the alphabet to becoming readers. She put up with my talkers, trained them to sit properly and shaped them into stellar students. She is a remarkable teacher that we absolutely ADORE!!! And then there is Mr. Lang....Noah was in his first class at Trinity North, Annabelle in his third. He charmed them with his silliness, made science and social studies interesting, and gave them each a year that they will never forget. And now, Rianne will never get the opportunity to have him...

 

After leaving the school, I was in quite a funk. I was grateful for a morning at home without the children so I could cry out to God. I am grateful for the calling in my heart because if it wasn't for it, I would be running. My parents still live in the house I was born in. After Ben and I graduated college we got married and moved into our current home. Moving is not my thing. I have no idea what I am doing. I don't know where to start. I think I have to go to the post office to change addresses, but I'm not even sure what my next address is...

 

I tried to escape back into my world of bliss and contentment, but God wouldn't let me. He told me it is time to face reality. He told me to let the tears come. He told me there is no turning back. He also reminded me of a dear friend's blog who has been here before. Her words from an old post brought me such comfort.

 

"I believe that denying oneself and taking up a cross looks a little different for everyone...
The "cross"  that I am to take up...it is nothing compared to the cross He carried for me.  It's not about me or my comfort.  Period...Its about Matthew 28: 19-20. It's about the call that God has so clearly placed on our lives. It's about giving all we can because He gave His all for us...It's all about Obedience." -Dr. Cortney Cash

A few months ago she told me that when she is struggling with her emotions and her situation, then she has to remember that her act of obedience, is her worship.

The sin I struggle with most is self-centeredness. I have to constantly fight against putting my needs, my comfort first. I know God is using this time to help me grow in this area. I need to put my comfort aside. I need to worship God by being obedient. I need to realize everything I am giving up is nothing compared to what Christ gave up for me. We can't even fully understand the glory of Heaven and what it really meant to leave His place there to suffer and die for us. I believe that when I finally experience Heaven, His sacrifice will become all the more meaningful.

And so, I may still escape to my little world from time to time. But I'm going to start facing reality more. I'm going to let the tears come. But with each one that falls, I am going to praise God and thank Him for His graciousness. I am going to give my fear to Him daily, and trust in our calling.

Tomorrow is the last day of school. God, I offer it back to you.

A Humbled Mess- Anne

"If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me." -Matthew 16:24

More Good News!!!!

Sorry for two posts in one day, but we had been also waiting to hear officially about school, and the news just came in the mail today.....

It's official! Ben will be attending the Missionary Baptist Seminary to receive his Masters!!!

It is such a relief to have finality to decisions that had been prayed about. We now can begin to move forward and prepare for the next step. Thank you everyone who has been praying for us. We absolutely love the men that have come out of this school, and Ben is very excited to dive right in!

God has Provided!

We are very excited to announce that we have been blessed with a home while we are in Arkansas!!!! The generous members of Oak Grove MBC in Benton, Arkansas, under the direction of their pastor, Mr. Vance Nutt, are graciously allowing us to move into their parsonage! This is a HUGE blessing for our family. The seminary has free student housing, but it is set up more for new families with maybe a small child or two. While we would have lived under these cramped conditions so that we could follow God's calling, it is going to be so nice to not have to! Having a home will make our transition so much smoother, especially since we will be homeschooling. I still cannot believe we only have about two months left in Pennsylvania. Each day gets a little harder as we begin to say goodbye to places, people and things.

Just today I took Rianne to her followup appointment with her ENT, Dr. Dohar. I cannot believe it was really the last time we will go to him. This man was a God send to our family. When Rianne was 11 months old, only 13 pounds, and hadn't grown or gained an ounce since she was 4 months old, it was him that discovered she had very severe sleep apnea. She only had 5% of her nostrils functioning because her adenoids were so large. She was only getting 4 min of REM sleep a night and would stop breathing over 150 times during a night's "sleep". He expertly removed her tonsils and adenoids even though his tools were really too big for an 11 month old. He removed Annabelle's adenoids and tonsils a couple years later and put tubes in Rianne's ears. I am so grateful for his skill, but I am even more grateful that he was willing to pray with our pastor before surgery. It's pretty amazing too, because he knows a pediatric ENT in Little Rock and said he would gladly pass our care and any needed info onto him. 

It is relationships like this that take me off guard. I know I am going to miss my family, friends, students and coworkers. However, I am beginning to realize there are so many more people that make up our world that will be missed as well. Our children's bus driver....our dental hygienist....our family doctors....our schools...Mark Bedillion and his farm stand....

We have the night free tonight. I keep telling the kids we need to make a list of all of the places we want to visit one last time before we go. Unfortunately, I think the time has come to start doing just that...

Sentimentally Yours- Anne

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." -Winnie the Pooh